SoJexs's Soppy Shoulder

This is basically for me to rant in about whatever it is that I really need to get off my chest, and as of late it's actually been quite a lot. I'm making this because last night I flew off the handle at a friend and quite possibly did some major damage to our friendship because of it (granted, it was on somewhat shaky ground before this because of a few life decisions on his part, but regardless).

So here it goes.

I am fucking lonely. I've been in Chicago since October, and have since gotten two jobs, one apartment, and a shit-ton of stress that comes with hauling your ass out of your home town to a city with only a few strings still connecting you to anyone and everyone you know. I should be asleep right now, with a fourteen hour long work day ahead of me tomorrow, but I got home tonight at eleven forty-five from work to my roommate and his five or so friends in my living room smoking and drinking, mostly because he (my roommate) may not be getting the job he needs because he dated a fantastic bitch of a man. So I ran with it, as I am running with my thoughts now. I spent $100 on a DSL connection that thanks to the intricateness of ATT's customer service I can't use because I'm more than sure that the line is fucking dead and that money was for naught. I have to buy christmas presents for all my friends back home because I have none here worth noting. I am the youngest person I know on a day-to-day basis. It fucking blows, being the youngest. You are considered, somewhat subconsciously, to be inferior to everyone around you. It's a barrier, and it's one I can't really break.

Ugh, I'm tired. It's cold, and I am to be tired again tomorrow.

Good night all.

Firstly, I moved your thread because it doesn't belong in the gutter. It is of significance not just to you, Jexs, but to us. Don't gutter your thoughts when they matter, okay?

Secondly, I'm not sure what we can do other than offer advice. Maybe offer some sort of escape. *Ponders*

Can you not do anything at all with ATT to either get your money back or for them to fix the issue? Maybe writing a complaint once you feel less stressed would help?

I don't know if money is an issue, I can't tell by what you said about Christmas presents or if the only point that you were making was that you feel alone in Chicago. If money is an issue, instead of buying stuff for everyone, why not write them all personal cards and remind them of some inside joke and stick a little IOU in there with it. Like IOU a beer.

What made you go to Chicago? How far is it from your hometown? Do you get to go home for Christmas?

Is the smoking and drinking your roommate does a problem for you? If so, can you talk to him about it?

Being the youngest is pretty crappy. I know I'm one of the older ones here but I had the same issue when I was doing a work placement. I got past it by a) using my "innocent idealism" as a means of praising others for their wisdom and experience and b) asking my elders for advice. It made them see I was very willing to learn and that I respected them enough to want them to teach me. I don't know if that'll work for you but it might be worth a shot if you feel you can't break the age barrier.

*Hugs for the cold*

Well thanks for moving this, though it was less of "I'm fucking useless" thoughts and more of "oh shit this is the wrong tab" mistake. 'Tis what I get for posting when uber-tired
Thanks for the kind words in any case.

Unfortunately, it's more or less impossible for me to get back home this year. It takes five hours by bus (and about the same by car) to get me back to Saint Louis. It costs about $40 to do so, and would cost more during the holidays, though the money isn't the real issue. The real issue is that this is the busy season for both my jobs, and they need people and I'm trying to build a buffer o' cash for next month so that I'm not living paycheck to paycheck so much.

My roommate is a nice guy and all, would give you the shirt off his back. The problem arises when he forgets that real human beings don't spend every night getting drunk and/or high. Last night was a special case, though. He tends to follow house rules pretty well, which dictate that by eleven everyone is gone, but last night he was stressing quite a lot because he is now completely out of cash and desperately needs the job as a bouncer for a club in Boy's Town. It just so happens that his experimental boyfriend frequents and is quite popular at the same club, so it has been painful to say the least to get the ball rolling on that.

I don't usually have a loss of words, but I can tell ya you've always got a home and friends back here man.

You should try to find the dude a job with anyone you know, networking is a good thing man. Ask around, maybe drop some small complaints here and there to know if anyone knows an opening somewhere.